Understanding Engineers

Understanding  Engineers – One Two engineering students  were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such  a great bike?"
The  second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own  business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground,  took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded  approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you  anyway."

Understanding  Engineers – Two To the optimist, the glass  is half-full.
To the  pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is  twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding  Engineers – Three A priest, a doctor, and an  engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.  The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for  fifteen minutes!"
The  doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes  the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him.
He said, "Hello George,  what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't  they?" ................
The green-keeper  replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight  saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for  free anytime."
The group  fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so  sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea.  I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything  he can do for them."
The  engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding  Engineers – Four What is the difference  between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? 
Mechanical engineers build  weapons
Civil engineers  build targets.

Understanding  Engineers – Five The graduate with a science  degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an  engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an  accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts  degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


Understanding  Engineers – Six
Three engineering students  were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.

One said, "It was a  mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an  electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical  connections."

The last  one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would  run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding  Engineers – Seven Normal people believe that  if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it  ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding  Engineers – Eight An engineer was crossing a  road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll  turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the  frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If  you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week  and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the  frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked,  "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay  with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm  an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now  that's cool."