tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85406185850070317972024-02-07T08:52:33.771+01:00Interesting Forwarded EmailsWe all receive Some emails which are great to share.Some are funny, others shocking and many are just too cool not to share.
I wilt be happy to share my coolest and hope that we'd pool in and have fun with so much stuff going aroundUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger92125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-11341439186030655172012-05-15T10:02:00.000+02:002012-05-15T10:02:59.536+02:00HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO DECOMPOSE?<b>Just think about the below list before you are throwing something to the soil. </b><br /><br /><br /><br />HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO DECOMPOSE <br /><div style="text-align: center;">
Paper Towel - 2-4 weeks <br />Banana Peel - 3-4 weeks <br />Paper Bag - 1 month <br />Newspaper - 1.5 months <br />Apple Core - 2 months <br />Cardboard - 2 months <br />Cotton Glove - 3 months <br />Orange peels - 6 months <br />Plywood - 1-3 years <br />Wool Sock - 1-5 years <br />Milk Cartons - 5 years <br />Cigarette Butts - 10-12 years <br />Leather shoes - 25-40 years <br />Tinned Steel Can - 50 years <br />Foamed Plastic Cups - 50 years <br />Rubber-Boot Sole - 50-80 years <br />Plastic containers - 50-80 years <br />Aluminum Can - 200-500 years <br />Plastic Bottles - 450 years <br />Disposable Diapers - 550 years <br />Monofilament Fishing Line - 600 years <br />Plastic Bags - 200-1000 years </div>
<br /> <br />We request you, please share this piece of information in your network as much as you can. <br />This will create awareness amongst people that this is also one of the reasons related to Global Green House Effect.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-88477166729004247462012-05-03T09:51:00.000+02:002012-05-03T09:51:31.141+02:00Letter ....<div>
<b><i><span style="color: #993300; font-size: medium;">A family in India was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the US. </span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #993300; font-size: medium;">It was sent by one of
the daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the
coffin, with no space left in it. When they opened the lid, they found a
letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:</span></i></b></div>
<b><i><span style="color: #993300; font-size: medium;">
</span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #993300; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #993300; font-size: medium;">Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha, </span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #993300; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #993300; font-size: medium;">I am sending mother 's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home.</span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #993300; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #993300; font-size: medium;">Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.</span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #993300; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #993300; font-size: medium;">You
will find inside the coffin, under mother 's body, cans of cheese, 10
packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of peanuts, so please divide
these among all of you.</span></i></b></div>
<b><i><span style="color: #993300; font-size: medium;">
<div>
On mother 's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan.<br />
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There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons.<br />
<br />
Hope the sizes are correct. Mother is wearing 6 American T-Shirts.<br />
<br />
The large size is for Mohan.</div>
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Just distribute the rest among yourselves. ........continue reading.....<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
The 2 new Jeans that mother is wearing are for the boys.</div>
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The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on mother 's left wrist...<br />
<br />
Shanta, mother is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.</div>
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The 6 white cotton socks that mother is wearing must be divided among my nephews.<br />
<br />
Please distribute all these fairly.<br />
<br />
Love Sumitaben.<br />
<br />
<br />
PS : If anything more is required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now !</div>
</span></i></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-92065115701344098822012-04-29T21:52:00.003+02:002012-04-29T21:52:45.388+02:00Blond & her new BMW<b>A Rich Blonde Buys the New Automatic BMW X6 Sport.She drives the car perfectly well during the day, But at night it justwon't m<var></var>ove
at all.She tries driving the car at night for a week but still no
luck.She then furiously calls the BMW dealers and they send out a
technician to her, the technician asks: Maam, are you sure you are using
the right gears??Full of anger Blonde replies: You fool, Idiot man, how
you could asksuch a question, I'm not stupid!! I use D for the Day and N
for the Night...</b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-23094534948045267232012-04-19T13:35:00.000+02:002012-04-19T13:36:29.817+02:00THE RAISE<br />
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<b><u><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">Employee</span></u></b><b><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">:</span></b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;"><br />Excuse me sir, may I talk to
you?</span><b><u><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><br />?</span></u></b><b><u><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">Boss</span></u></b><b><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">:</span></b><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><br />Sure, come on in? What can I do for
you?</span></div>
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<b><u><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">Employee</span></u></b><b><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">:</span></b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;"><br />Well sir, as you know, I have been an
employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.</span><b><u><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><br />?</span></u></b><b><u><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">Boss</span></u></b><b><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">:</span></b><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><br />Yes.</span></div>
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<b><u><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">Employee</span></u></b><b><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">:</span></b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;"><br />I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I
would like a raise. I currently have </span><b><span style="color: #3366ff; font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">four
companies after me</span></b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;"> and
so I decided to talk to you first.</span><b><u><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><br />?</span></u></b><b><u><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">Boss</span></u></b><b><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">:</span></b><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><br />A raise? I would love to give you a
raise, but this is just not the right
time.</span></div>
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<b><u><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">Employee</span></u></b><b><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">:</span></b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;"><br />I understand your position, and I
know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but
you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro-activeness and loyalty
to this company for over a decade..</span><b><u><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><br />?</span></u></b><b><u><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">Boss</span></u></b><b><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">:</span></b><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><br />Taking into account these factors, and
considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten
percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that
sound? read on........</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><b><u><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">Employee</span></u></b><b><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">:</span></b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;"><br />Great! It's a deal Thank you,
sir!</span><b><u><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><br />?</span></u></b><b><u><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">Boss</span></u></b><b><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">:</span></b><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><br />? Before you go, just out of curiosity,
what companies are after
you?</span></div>
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<b><u><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">Employee</span></u></b><b><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 18pt;">:</span></b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;"><br />Oh,the Electric Company, Gas Company,
Water Company and the Mortgage
Company!</span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #365f91; font-family: SimSun; font-size: 14pt;">(</span></b><b><span style="font-family: SimSun; font-size: 14pt;">This is one worth forwarding, have
a great laugh!<span style="color: #365f91;">)</span></span></b></div>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-83379450230038372452012-02-29T08:05:00.000+01:002012-02-29T08:05:12.749+01:00GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN<br /><br />Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa - half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!<br /> <br />Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe - well-developed and open to trade, especially for something of real value.<br /><br />Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain - very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.<br /> <br />Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece:gently aging, but still a warm and desirable place to visit.<br /><br />Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all-conquering past..<br /><br /> Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel - has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business.<br /><br /> Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada - cool, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.<br /><br /> After 70, she becomes Tibet - wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.... an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.<br /> <br /><b>THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN</b><br /><br />Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran - ruled by a couple of nuts.<br /> <br />THE ENDUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-49836534715998208492012-01-30T07:43:00.001+01:002012-01-30T07:43:12.504+01:00أنـحـنـي إحـترامـا للـمـسـيـحـيـين<div align="center" dir="rtl" style="background: white; direction: rtl; text-align: center;">
<b><u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #0070c0; font-size: 24pt;">أنـحـنـي إحـترامـا للـمـسـيـحـيـين</span></u></b><span dir="ltr"></span></div>
<div align="center" dir="rtl" style="background: white; direction: rtl; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="rtl" style="background: white; direction: rtl; text-align: right;">
<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">الكاتب الصحفي الدكتور عبد الرحمن محمد الأيوب</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
<div dir="rtl" style="background: white; direction: rtl; text-align: right;">
<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">الأردن - عمان</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
<div dir="rtl" style="background: white; direction: rtl; text-align: right;">
<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">كاتب</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">مسلم في صحيفة أردنية</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
<div dir="rtl" style="background: white; direction: rtl; text-align: right;">
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">لماذا</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">يصر
علماء الأمة الاسلامية على اقحام أنفسهم في أمور ثانوية لا تأثير لها في
حياة المسلمين بينما يبتعدون عن معالجة الأمور الهامة التي تعصف بأمة
المليار؟</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
<div dir="rtl" style="background: white; direction: rtl; text-align: right;">
<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">لماذا
لا يقوم هؤلاء العلماء بالدعوة الصريحة لإسقاط أنظمة دول الخليج التي يقف
على رأس هرمها حكام أقل ما يمكن وصفهم بحكام عهر والقحط والهوان , فهم
مصيبة هذه الأمة ولا أحد سواهم ؟</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
<div dir="rtl" style="background: white; direction: rtl; text-align: right;">
<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">لماذا يصر هؤلاء العلماء على العيش في</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">زمن"الرويبضة"
والتحول الى علماء السلاطين ؟ كثيرة هي الفتاوي التي يطلقها هؤلاء العلماء
, فتاوي لا أول لها ولا اخر , بل انها تضر ولا تنفع , فهذا الطنطاوي يحلل
بناء الجدار الفولاذي المصري , والقرضاوي يحرمه , وهذا الشيخ يفتي بجواز
ارضاع زميل العمل لمنع الخلوة "المحرمة", واخر يفتي</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">بالسماح للشباب بالتدخين في نهار شهر رمضان , وغيرها الكثير من الفتاوي</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span>... </span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
<div dir="rtl" style="background: white; direction: rtl; text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="rtl" style="background: white; direction: rtl; text-align: right;">
<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">في أحد</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">خطبه الأخيرة , دعا رئيس الاتحاد العالمي لعلماء المسلمين فضيلة الشيخ يوسف</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">القرضاوي
المسلمين إلى مقاطعة الاحتفالات بأعياد الميلاد المجيد ورأس السنة
الميلادية الجديدة ، وحرّم تقديم التهاني والتبريكات للمسيحيين بهذا العيد ،
ومنع</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">الاتجا ر بشجرة الميلاد وطقوسها في البلاد الإسلامية ، وكل ما يتعلق بها . وبدوري</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">أسأل الشيخ : ما هو الضرر الذي تسببه لك شجرة الميلاد المزينة</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">بالمصابيح , هذه الشجرة التي ترمز الى الحياة والبهجة والسرور؟ هل فيها ما يعيب</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">الاسلام أو دينهم ، ما الخطأ في أن يقوم المسلمون بتقديم التهاني لاخوانهم</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">المسيحيين في أعيادهم تماما كما يفعل المسيحيون للمسلمين بتقديم التهاني والتبريكات</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">وارسال بطاقات التهنئة لاصدقائهم المسلمين ؟ </span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span>..</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
<div dir="rtl" style="background: white; direction: rtl; text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="rtl" style="background: white; direction: rtl; text-align: right;">
<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">والسؤال</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">الذي يطرح نفسه , أليس هذا الأمر نوعا من التحريض على الكراهية والحقد الاعمى ؟</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">وأكثر ما يدهشني أن تتوافق دعوة القرضاوي هذه مع دعوة كبير</span></b><b><u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #990000; font-size: 18pt;">الحاخامية اليهودية</span></u></b><b><u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"> </span></u></b><b><u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #990000; font-size: 18pt;">التي تطالب
اليهود بعدم الاحتفال بالأعياد المسيحية وبرموز هذه الاحتفالات
مثل شجرة الميلاد وعطايا وهدايا "بابا نويل" التي تنشر الفرحة بين الأطفال</span></u></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"> , وهي توزع على</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">السواء
بين الأطفال المسلمين والمسيحيين وكذلك اليهود فهي رمز للسلام والمحبة
تدخل البهجة والسرور الى قلوب هؤلاء الأطفال . الشيخ القرضاوي يرى في هذه
الاحتفالات</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">عملا من أعمال التبشير المسيحي , </span></b><b><u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #990000; font-size: 18pt;">وأما الحاخامية الرئيسية اليهودية فهي ترفض الاحتفالات لأن هذه الحاخامية ترفض الميلاد وترفض العذراء والمسيح معاً</span></u></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"> .
والسؤال المطروح للشيخ القرضاوي المؤمن بالقران الذي كرم السيدة العذراء
التي لم تحمل من مشيئة رجل ، "معجزة ما سبقت وما تكررت".. لقد بشرت
الملائكة السيدة العذراء بميلاد سيدنا المسيح , ويوم ميلاده هللت ملائكة
السماء وأطلت نجمة المشرق هادية إليموقع الميلاد , ورنين صوت الملائكة يطل
علي البشرية ويصدح المجد لله في الأعالي وعلي</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">الأرض
السلام وبالناس المسرة" ، لقد كرم القرآن الكريم العذراء مريم وخصها بسورة
منسوره لتمجيدها وتمجيد وليدها المسيح معجزة الميلاد الإلهية .. لقد بشرت
الملائكة</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">بالمولود
كما ذكر القرآن الكريم , فلماذا ترفض يا فضيلة الشيخ مشاركة من يرغب من
المسلمين اخوانهم المسيحيين احتفالاتهم بعيد ميلاد رسول المحبة والسلام ، </span></b><b><u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #cc0000; font-size: 24pt;">بل لماذا</span></u></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><u><span dir="ltr" style="color: #cc0000; font-size: 24pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></u></b><b><u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #cc0000; font-size: 24pt;">تتوافق دعوتك هذه يا سيدي الشيخ وتتزامن مع دعوة كبير حاخامات اليهود </span></u></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #cc0000; font-size: 24pt;">؟</span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #cc0000; font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">سؤال يطرح نفسه , فهل من مجيب ؟</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">وبالعودة الى فتوى شيخنا الجليل القرضاوي , فلنطلب من</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">كافة
المسلمين باحترامها وتنفيذها فورا, لأن المسيحيين فعلا يشكلون خطرا على
البشرية .. وللانصاف فانني أطالبه بأن تكون فتواه شمولية والى أبعد الحدود ,
بمعنى أن</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">نقاطع
كل ما يتعلق بالمسيحيين وليس فقط بشجرة الميلاد البريئة وعيد الميلاد
المجيد .. ومن هنا أقول للشيخ الجليل : عليك اصدار فتوى تمنع استخدام كل
المنتوجات</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">والمخترعات
التي ابتكرها المسيحيون والبوذيون والهندوس واليهود لأنهم كفرة وأعداء لله
. فضيلة الشيخ , فلنقاطع كافة الوسائل التكنولوجية المتطورة التي تتمتع
بها أنت قبل غيرك , ويتمتع بها وينعم شيوخ الصحوة النفطية الذين أصبحوا من
أغنى أغنياء المعمورة بدون أن يبذلوا أي جهد يذكر . فلنقاطع الشبكة
العنكبوتية "الانترنت" والتي أوصلها الى ما هي عليه اليوم هو ذلك اليهودي
"الماكر" الكافر وعدو الله "بيل غيتس" مؤسس وصاحب شركة المايكروسوفت والذي
يعتبر من أغنى أغنياء العالم ان لم يكن أغناهم , ووصل الى ما وصل اليه بفضل
عبقريته وليس بفضل سرقته لثروات أمم بأكملها , كما هو حال الملتحين شيوخ
الصحراء والذين لولا بترول هذه الصحراء اللعينة لبقوا بدو رحل يسوقون
الجمال والحمير. ويا صاحب موقع "اسلام أون لاين" على هذه الشبكة العنكبوتية
الساحرة .. والذي هو أنت يا شيخنا الجليل , والذي من خلاله تصدر فتاويك
وتطلب من الله أن يهلك الغربيين الذين دمروا الأمتين المسلمة والعربية ,
ألم يحن الوقت لاغلاق موقعك هذا لأنه لولا بيل غيتس وغيره من الكفار لما
تمكنت من ملكه واستخدامه .. هل شجرة الميلاد أصبحت في نظرك تشكل خطرا على
الأمة ؟ فاذا كان الجواب نعم , فعليك مقاطعة الشبكة العنكبوتية مقاطعة
أزلية لأنها من ابتكار أعداء الله الكفرة </span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> .</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<a name='more'></a><b>ولنأخذ
الطائرة هذا "المخلوق" العجيب والذي يعود فضل اختراعها للأخوين رايت
النصارى الكفرة .. هذه الطائرة يا شيخنا الجليل جعلت بمقدورك الهروب من
بلدك .. مصر العروبة </b><b><span lang="AR-JO" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">،</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">أكبر
دولة عربية تدين بالاسلام وليس بمقدورها صنع سيارة بسيطة جدا .. ولولا هذه
المركبة لربما لما وصلت الى من تحتضنك اليوم , ومنها تطلق تصريحاتك
النارية وفتاويك الغريبة ضد شجرة ميلاد مسكينة لا ذنب لها .. اليوم تقيم في
قطر وتسافر الى كافة بقاع المعمورة بفضل هذه المركبة التي هي من صنع
الشياطين , فلماذا لا تطالب بمقاطعتها والعودة الى ركوب الجمال والبغال
والحمير , وبذلك نعود قرونا الى الوراء ؟ من قطر حيث قناة الجزيرة الفضائية
تتيح لك تقديم برنامجك الأسبوعي الشريعة والحياة , فعن أي شريعة تتحدث وعن
أية حياة تتكلم ؟ لقد ابتعدنا عن الواقع لدرجة يصعب بل يستحيل الرجوع اليه
.. الشريعة الاسلامية واضحة وضوح الشمس والحياة بسيطة جدا ولكن من</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">يقوم بتعقيدها هو أنت وأمثالك وغيركم ..</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span><br />
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">السؤال
المطروح يا فضيلة الشيخ : هل فعلا لا نزال خير أمة أخرجت للناس , في وقت
أرى فيه هذه الأمة تزداد تشرذما وانقساما يوما بعد يوم , ولا أرى أي حل
لهذا الوضع لا في الأفق القريب ولا البعيد أيضا .. وفي المقابل نرى الكفرة
الصليبيين المسيحيين يقومون بغزو الفضاء الخارجي ليرحلوا اليه وبالتالي
سيخلو لك وللأمتين العربية والاسلامية وباقي الشعوب المتخلفة الجو وستحتلوا
الكرة الأرضية بأكملها .. فهنيئا لكم </span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span>!!</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">الدول
النفطية الخليجية تملك من الأموال والثروات ما لا يملكه العالم بأكمله ,
ولكن هذه الدول وغيرها من شقيقاتها أصابها الجنون عندما سمعت بمرض انفلونزا
الخنازير فهبت وبتلهف على اقتناء اللقاح الواقي من هذا المرض والذي ابتكره
العلماء النصارى الكفرة الذين يحتفلون بعيد الميلاد المجيد ويزينون بيوتهم
بشجرة الميلاد .. ألا يستحق هؤلاء أن تقوم يا فضيلة الشيخ بتقديم التهاني
لهم من خلال أجهزة التلفزة والفضائيات التي هي أيضا من صنعهم وتستخدمها أنت
وكافة العرب والمسلمين ؟ فلنقاطع يا شيخنا الجليل كافة المنتوجات التي ليس
بمقدورنا صنعها .. فإبرة البابور نستوردها من الصين الكافرة الملحدة
البوذية وكذلك سجادة الصلاة التي تستخدمها أنت وأمة المليار تستورد أيضا من
هذا البلد "اللعين".. ناهيك عن هذا الجهاز الشيطاني"الجوال" الذيي وصلنا
بكافة بقاع المعمورة خلال ثوان معدودة وأهم البلاد المنتجة له هي فنلندا </span></b><b><span lang="AR-JO" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">،</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">فعلينا
مقاطعتها ومقاطعة جهازها حتى نكون منصفين , ولن ننكر كذلك لأنه لا يمكن
أن تستمر الحياة اليوم بشكلها الحضاري التكنولوجي بدونه وبدون غيره من
عناصر ومبتكرات التكنولوجيا التي تتطور يوما بعد يوم بفضل هؤلاء العلماء
"الكفرة". ونطالب أيضا جميع المحلات التجارية وبكافة أنواعها بعدم استيراد
المنتوجات الغربية وبيعها لأنها من صنع الكفرة "الملاعين</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span>"</span></b><span dir="rtl"></span><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="rtl"></span>.</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">كيف
يتجرأ القرضاوي على اصدار فتوى أقل ما يمكن وصفها بأنها تافهة تطالب
التجار بمنع بيع شجرة عيد الميلاد لأنها تؤذي مشاعر الـمسلـمين ، في الوقت
الذي يقوم فيه هو نفسه والملاييين من المسلمين باستنكار أقوال مسيحيي
أوروبا بأن بناء المساجد والماذن في بلادهم يؤذي مشاعرهم الـمسيحية ؟ ألم
تقم الدنيا ولا تقعد وبحق عندما قام بعض ضعفاء النفوس بالتعدي والتطاول على
الدين الاسلامي والمسلمين ونبيهم ؟ ألا يحتفل المسلمون في العالم الغربي
بشهر رمضان والأعياد الاسلامية ؟ ألا يمارس المسلمون طقوسهم الدينية بحرية
في هذه البلاد , ولا أبالغ عندما أقول بأنهم يتمتعون بحرية عبادة فيها أكثر
من البلاد العربية والاسلامية .. ومن هنا نقول للقرضاوي وغيره اذا أردتم
أن يقوم الغرب باحترام المسلمين فعليكم انصاف من لا يدين بالاسلام في
بلادكم العربية والاسلامية </span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span>.</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">وللقرضاوي أقول يا فضيلة الشيخ : اذا كانت نهضة الأمة</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">العربية
والاسلامية وكرامتهما وعزتهما ترتبط بمقاطعة هذه الشجرة "المسكينة" وعدم
الاتجار بها فانني سأكون أول من سينفذ فتواك ؟ وإذا تمكن الشيخ الجليل من
مقاطعة</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">شجرة
الميلاد وأفلح في إزالتها من المحال التجارية وحياتنا بشكل عام ، فهل
يتمكن أن يمنع من حياتنا ، كل المنتوجات والرموز الصليبية ، بدءا من
الماكدونالد ، مروراً بالنوكيا وانتهاءا بالبوينغ على سبيل المثال لا
الحصر، وهي تعود بفوائد وعوائد</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">خرافية
على هؤلاء "الصليبيين" ، وأكثر بكثير من مجرد شجرة ميلاد ؟ وهل بمقاطعة
الميلاد ورأس السنة الميلادية الجديدة والشجرة والمسيحيين تحل كل مشاكل
وأزمات</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">المسلمين
المستعصية ؟..لماذا لا يقاطع القرضاوي ويتجاهل ، فعلاً ، لا قولاً ،
المسيحيين ، وكل ما يتعلق بالمسيحيين ، ويوقف كافة أشكال التعامل معهم ،
وهل يستطيع </span></b><b><span lang="AR-JO" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">،</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">ولن
يستطع , لأنه ليس بوسعه أن يوقف عجلة الحياة .. هذه العجلة التي تدور
وباستمرار بفضل أولئك "الكفرة" أعداء الله والمسلمين من المخترعين
والمبدعين </span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span>.</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;">بدلا
من اصدار فتاوي مخزية لا معنى لها , عليكم يا معشر الشيوخ الأجلاء
المطالبة في خطبكم العرب والمسلمين منافسة الغرب والتفوق عليهم , فاطلبوا
العلم ولو في الصين ..عليكم بالمطالبة بمحو الأمية في بلادنا العربية
والاسلامية , ومصر أكبر دولة عربية تعصف بها حالة من الأمية لا يمكن وصفها
.. لا تنسى اننا في القرن الحادي والعشرين , الغرب يغزو الفضاء الخارجي
ونحن نقوم بمنع النساء من قيادة السيارات .</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #336666; font-size: 24pt;">نعم , اننا أمة ضحكت من جهلها الأمم .. فارحمنا يا فضيلة الشيخ !!!</span></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-72723596934940159582012-01-29T15:04:00.000+01:002012-01-29T15:05:45.476+01:00تحديث المسميات والاوضاع<div dir="rtl">
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* بيقولك مرة شعب طلب حرية.. لبس حرية وعدالة.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* بصتله و عينيها بتدمع وقالتله: خلينا إخوان أحسن.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* في السنة اللي فيلم شارع الهرم حقق أعلى إيراد يومي في تاريخ السينما المصرية إخترنا حزب ديني عشان يحكمنا.</span></span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><span dir="ltr"></span></span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" lang="AR-SA" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* اللي باعك في الميدان .. بكره يبيعك جوه البرلمان.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* الإخواني الحق هو الذي يثور ليركب الميدان ثم يهدأ ليأخذ البرلمان.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* الجمعة الجاية جمعة يلا نلحق نسكر.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* هذا وقد انقسم الشعب المصري إلى جماعتين، جماعة “التكفير والهجرة” و”جماعة التفكير في الهجرة”.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* يعني إيه البرلمان المصري؟ يعني كله يعيش الوهم و الإخوان ياخدوا المقاعد.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span></b><b><span style="color: black; font-size: x-large;"><span lang="AR" style="font-size: 26pt; font-weight: bold;">فيلم المرحلة القادمة:</span></span></b><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
<br />* حسن.. و ربنا يهدي مرقص.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span></b><b><span style="color: black; font-size: x-large;"><span lang="AR" style="font-size: 26pt; font-weight: bold;">أخبار</span></span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span style="color: black; font-size: x-large;"><span dir="ltr" lang="AR" style="font-size: 26pt; font-weight: bold;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></span></b><b><span style="color: black; font-size: x-large;"><span lang="AR" style="font-size: 26pt; font-weight: bold;">الفن</span></span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span style="color: black; font-size: x-large;"><span dir="ltr" style="font-size: 26pt; font-weight: bold;"><span dir="ltr"></span>:</span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* الفنان طلعت زكريا يعتذر عن فيلم “طباخ الريس” و يبدأ في الإستعداد لفيلم “سواق المرشد”.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* إضطراب في الوسط الفني بعد تغيير أسماء أفلام كريم عبد العزيز إلى “الحاج أبو على” و “واحد من الإخوان”</span></span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><span dir="ltr"></span>.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<span dir="ltr"></span><b><span style="color: red; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" lang="AR" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></span></b><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;">*</span></span></b><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;">إيناس الدغيدى بعد إرتدائها النقاب تبدأ تصوير فيلم “مذكرات مؤمنة”.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<span dir="ltr"></span><b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><span dir="ltr"></span>*</span></span></b><span dir="rtl"></span><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><span dir="rtl"></span> عمرو دياب في حفلته القادمة:</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;">من كام سنة وأنا إخوان إخوان..</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;">أنا أكتر واحد بيصلي..</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;">كان عندك دقن..</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;">و الأخت عاملة إيه دلوقت ومين هيقيم عليها الحد، قولولها لو فى صالحها، تتحجب وأصحالها...</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;">ولسه بتحبه يا سلفى يا سلفى حرام عليك...</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;">يا ريت لبسك يزيد مترين عشان لبسك كدا قصير..</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;">عايز تسيب دقنك كدة سيبها وتعالى على نفسك وحددها.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* فيروز تغير كلمات أغنية البنت الشلبية لتصبح البنت السلفية.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span></b><b><span style="color: black; font-size: x-large;"><span lang="AR" style="font-size: 26pt; font-weight: bold;">ماذا بعد فوز الإسلاميين بالبرلمان؟</span></span></b><b><span style="color: black; font-size: x-large;"><span dir="ltr" style="font-size: 26pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"> READ MORE</span></span></b><br />
<a name='more'></a><b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* هيعملو روتانا إخوان .</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* تامر حسنى هايبطل غنا لأن صوت المرأة عورة.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* كل ما تيجي تعمل فولو لواحدة هتطلعلك رسالة تقولك: أترضاه لأختك؟</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* محدش هيشرب سجاير، كله هايدخن بخور.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* خالد يوسف هيتجلد 60 جلدة على كل فيلم عمله.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* شباب 6 إبريل تغير إسمها إلى فتية السادس من ربيع الآخر.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><span dir="ltr"></span></span></span></b><span dir="rtl"></span><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><span dir="rtl"></span>* هيغيروا التفاحة اللي على آبل ويخلوها تمرة.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* بدل القطط والكلاب هنربى إبل.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* الشارع حارتين واحدة للسيدات وواحدة للرجالة.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span></b><b><span style="color: black; font-size: x-large;"><span lang="AR" style="font-size: 26pt; font-weight: bold;">الأخبار في المستقبل:</span></span></b><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"> <br />
<br />* إفتتحت اليوم ثلاثة من زوجات السيد الرئيس حفظهن الله فعاليات مهرجان التلاوه للجميع.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* إنخفاض حاد في أسهم شركة جيليت بالبورصة المصرية وأنباء عن نية الشركة بسحب إستثماراتها وماكينات حلاقتها في مصر.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* إقبال شديد من المواطنين في اليوم الثالث من الإنتخابات على طوابير الهجرة أمام سفارة كندا.</span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span lang="AR" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />* اتحاد الكرة يعلن أنه تخلى عن العقد مع أديداس وسيكون الراعي الرسمي محلات التوحيد والنور</span></span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: large;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt; font-weight: bold;"><span dir="ltr"></span></span></span></b></div>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-84206665936671055472012-01-21T14:43:00.000+01:002012-01-21T14:43:31.742+01:00كوميديا الشعب المصري في ليالي البرد<br />
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<b><span dir="rtl" lang="AR-SA" style="color: red; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">البرد شديد قوى هذة الأيام فى مصر --------- اليك هذة النكت</span><span style="color: red;"></span></b></div>
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;">في هذه الظروف الساقعة التي تمر بها البلاد .. قرّر نسر العلم تخلّيه عن منصبه، وكلّف طائر البطريق بإدارة شئون العلم والله الموفق</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;">(مع الإعتذار لعمر سليمان)</span><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;">اطالب بعودة 2011 كانت ادفى كتير !<br />
<br />عيشه , حرية , دفاية كهربائية</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;">انى لا اكذب .... ولكنى اتجمــــــــــــــــــــــــــ<wbr></wbr>ـــــــد</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;">دفايتك شغالة، شرابك في رجلك،آيس كاپك علي دماغك، لحافك اللذيذ، كاكاوك في إيدك.... و إللي يقولك يلا ننزل غززه</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;">درجه الحرارة فى القاهرة 9 و فى نيويورك 6 !! شدوا حيلكوا يا رجاله ، قربنا نوصل العالمية</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;">فاضل حاجه واحده بس ونبقى فى القطب الشمالى رسمى</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span>… </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;">نشوف بطاريق فى الشوارع</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: red; font-size: 20pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> </span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;"><br />
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;"><br />يا جمـــاعـــه اللــي معاه ريمووت التكييف يبطل هزاار أنا إتجمدت من التلج</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;">الجو بيستهبل فاكر نفسه عايش في اوروبا حد يقوله يعيش عيشه اهلة<br />مبارك كان قالل بركة كل حاجة حتى الشتاء الشعب يريد البرد القديم<br />
أدي اخرة اللعب في التوقيت احنا اسفين يا توقيت</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;">ﻃﺎﻟﻤﺎ ﻣﺼﺮ ﻋﻤﻠﺖ ﺗﻠﺞ ﻳﺒﻘﻰﻧﺘﺼﻞ ﺑﺎﻟﺘﻮﻛﻴﻞ ﻳﻴﺠﻲ ﻳﺸﻮﻓﻬﺎ .. ﺍﺣﻨﺎ ﻭﺍﺧﺪﻳﻨﻬﺎ .. ﻋﻠﻰ ﺍﻧﻬﺎ ﻧﻮﻓﺮﻭﺳﺖﻻ ﻣﺆﺍﺧﺬﺓ</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;">رسالة رقم 1 الى المجلس العسكري</span></b><span dir="ltr"></span><b><span dir="ltr" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;"><span dir="ltr"></span> :</span></b><span dir="rtl"></span><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;"><span dir="rtl"></span>" تعاطفكم لوحده مش كفاية ادوا لكل مواطن دفاية " </span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #1f497d; font-size: 20pt;">ع</span></b><b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;">اجل : التلفزيون المصري ينفي الشائعات و يؤكد ان درجة الحرارة ٣٢ و يحث المواطنين ( الشرفاء ) علي التوجه للشواطئ و الحدائق العامة</span></b><span lang="AR-SA"></span></div>
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<b><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: navy; font-size: 20pt;">نفسي اعرف مين البارد اللي كتبلنا في منهج المواد الاجتماعية من صغرنا ان جو مصر 'دفئ' ممطر شتاءاًً؟؟!! </span></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-15917996399230706182012-01-20T09:51:00.001+01:002012-01-20T09:51:28.937+01:00Genius student with a big FAT Zero!<div>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">STUDENT WHO <b><span style="font-weight: bold;">OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM</span></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?</span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><b><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">* his last battle</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?</span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><b><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">* at the bottom of the page</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?</span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><b><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">* liquid</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?</span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><b><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">* marriage</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">Q5. What is the main reason for failure?</span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><b><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">* exams</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?</span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><b><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">* Lunch & dinner</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">Q7. What looks like half an apple?</span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">* </span></span><b><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">The other half</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></div>
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<a name='more'></a><span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><br /></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?</span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><b><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">* </span></span></b><b><span style="color: #c00000; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #c00000; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">I</span></span></b><b><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">t will simply become wet</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?</span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">* </span></span><b><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">No problem, he sleeps at night.</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?</span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">* </span></span><b><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?</span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">* </span></span><b><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">Very large hands</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?</span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><b><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">* No time at all, the wall is already built.</span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?</span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">*</span></span><b><span style="color: #c00000; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #c00000; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">Any way you want, concrete</span></span></b><b><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #c20000; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;"> floors are very hard to crack.</span></span></b></div>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-20419560307804099182012-01-15T11:37:00.000+01:002012-01-15T11:37:55.347+01:00David, Michael & Mohamed<div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Two guys lost in the Sahara desert, one is David and the other is Michael..</span></strong><b><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;"><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">They
were dying of hunger and thirst when they suddenly came upon an oasis,
with what looked like an emirates with a mosque in the middle.</span></strong></span></b></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">David
said to Michael: "look, let's pretend we're Muslim,otherwise we'll not
get any food or drink. I'm going to call my self "Mohammed". </span></strong></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Michael refused to change his name, he said: "My name is Michael,and I won't pretend to be other than who I am...Michael".</span></strong><b><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;"><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">The Imam of the mosque received both well and asked about their names,</span></strong></span></b></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">David said: "my name is Mohammed" Michael said: "my name is Michael"</span></strong><b><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;"><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">The Imam turned to the helpers of the mosque and said:</span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">Please bring some food and water for Michael only"</span></strong></span></b></div>
<b><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /><strong><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">Then he turned to the other and said: "Marhaba Mohammed, Ramadan Kareem"***</span></strong></span></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-19433406997382738372012-01-10T15:54:00.000+01:002012-01-10T15:54:09.188+01:00تلخيص مصر في كام سطر<div class="ajy">
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<b><u><span lang="AR-SA" style="background: yellow; color: #c00000; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;">تلخيص مصر في كام سطر</span></u></b><b><u><span dir="ltr" style="color: #c00000; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;"></span></u></b></div>
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<span dir="rtl"></span><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #1f497d; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"><span dir="rtl"></span> </span><span dir="ltr" style="color: #1f497d; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"></span></div>
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<u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: green; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;">الإسلام مش عبد المنعم الشحات</span></u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: green; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;"> </span></h6>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #31849b; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;">....<u>والمسيحية مش نجيب ساويرس</u></span></h6>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #00b0f0; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;">.....<u>والحرية مش علياء</u> <u>المهدى</u>....</span></h6>
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<u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #002060; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;">والجيش مش المجلس العسكري</span></u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #002060; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;"> ...</span></h6>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="color: red; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;"> <u>ومبارك مش عيان</u> ....</span></h6>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #0f243e; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;"> <u>وأنت مش أنت وأنت جعان</u>...</span><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #60bf00; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;"><br /></span><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #003399; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;"><br /><u>أحنا ما عندناش أزمة في الدين</u>...</span></h6>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #003399; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;"> <u>عندنا أزمة في الأخلاق</u>...</span></h6>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #003300; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;"> <u>إحنا ما عندناش أزمة في الذكاء</u>...</span></h6>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #003300; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;"> ...<u>عندنا</u> <u>أزمة في الفهم</u>...</span></h6>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #cc0066; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;"> <u>إحنا ما عندناش أزمة في النكت</u>... </span></h6>
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<u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #cc0066; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;">عندنا أزمة في المرح</span></u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #cc0066; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;">...</span></h6>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="color: green; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;"> <u>إحنا ما عندناش أزمة في</u> <u>الحب</u>... </span></h6>
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<u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: green; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;">عندنا أزمة في المحبة والاحتواء</span></u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: green; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;">..</span></h6>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #9933ff; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;"> <u>إحنا ما عندناش أزمة في الصنعة</u>... </span></h6>
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<u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #9933ff; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;">عندنا أزمة في الضمير</span></u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #9933ff; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;">...</span><u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #003399; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;">إحنا ما عندناش أزمة . . . . . .</span></u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #003399; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;"></span></h6>
<b><u><span lang="AR-SA" style="color: #003399; font-family: "sans-serif"; font-size: 24pt;">. . . إحنا الأزمة</span></u></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-82111445309439387642012-01-10T15:48:00.000+01:002012-01-10T15:48:01.472+01:00من الصدفة أن يكون<br /><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">من الصدفة أن يكون</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> <br /> مدمر ليبيا معمرها</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">.. <br />وقبيح تونس زينها</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">.. <br /> وجبان سوريا أسدها</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">.. <br />ومفسد اليمن صالحها</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> وملعون مصر مباركها</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">سبحان الله</span></b></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-62253553020376606992012-01-06T18:10:00.003+01:002012-01-06T18:10:39.918+01:00Spanish Gender<br /> A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.<br /> <br />'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'<br />'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'<br /><br />A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'<br /> <br />Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.<br /> <br />The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:<br /> <br />1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;<br /><br />2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; <br /> <br />3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and <br /> <br />4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.<br /> <br /> (THIS GETS BETTER!) <br /> <br /> The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:<br /><br />1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;<br />
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<a name='more'></a><br />2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;<br /> <br />3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and <br /> <br /> 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.<br /><br /> The women won! <br /> <br /> Send this to all the smart women you know...and all the men that have a sense of humor. <br /><br /><br /><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-20174564676241485432012-01-04T15:27:00.000+01:002012-01-04T15:27:43.171+01:00حوار مع مواطن دمه خفيف<br /><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />حوار مع مواطن دمه خفيف<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> يقال إن 87%من الشعب المصرى ساخطون على الحكومة المصرية - ما تعليقك؟ <br /><br />- الـ13% الباقيين أكيد معاهم جنسيات أخرى. <br /><br /> هل لك أقارب استشهدوا فى الحرب؟ <br /><br />- لأ.. عندى أقارب استشهدوا فى السلام.. "السلام 98" طبعاً. <br /><br /> ما وجه الشبه بين السد العالى وأمن الدولــة؟ <br /><br />- الإثنان مصدر "للكهرباء"!!! <br /><br /> لماذا يطلق المصريون على زوجاتهم لقب "الحكومة"؟ <br /><br />- لصعوبة تغييرها مهما تسببت فى كوارث. <br /><br />................................<br /><br /><br /> أين يمكنك أن تلاحظ سوء نية المصريين؟ <br /><br />- عندما يغنون للطفل البريء بمنتهى الخبث قائلين.. "يا رب يا ربنا - تكبر وتبقى زينا". <br /><br /> إمتى بتحس إن البلد حلوة؟ <br /><br />- ما بأحسش إن بلدنا حلوة غير لما داليدا بتقول: "حلوة يا بلدى"... بغض النظر إنها قالتها وانتحرت!!! <br /><br /> تقرير: 60% من الرجال المصريين بـ"يشَخَّروا" وهم نائمون.. ما تعليقك؟ <br /><br />- الـ40% الباقيين بـ"يشخُروا" وهما صاحيين. <br /><br /> ما الفرق الأهم بين مصر وأمريكا؟ <br /><br />- الفرق الأهم إن عائد السياحة من الهرم المزيف الموجود فى لاس فيجاس مائة ضعف عائد السياحة من الهرم الحقيقى فى الجيزة. <br /><br /> ما أهم قاعدة موجودة في مصر؟ <br /><br />- إن مفيش قاعدة لأى حاجة.. <br /><br /> بماذا ستجيب كمصرى عند سؤالك عن عمرك فيما أفنيته بعد عمر طويل؟ <br /><br />- أفنيته فى إشارة قصر النيل مستنيها تفتح، وفى صلاح سالم مستنيه يتحرك، وعلى كوبري أكتوبر مستنى لما رئيس الوزراء يروح بيته. <br />................................ <br /><br /> من المستفيد من الزحام الذى يسيطر على شوارع القاهرة؟ <br /><br />- شركات المحمول.. كله واقف فى الإشارة ماسك الموبايل بيخلص شغل أو بيعتذر عن التأخير أو بيسلى نفسه على الأقل، وبالتالى تعتبر الإدارة العامة للمرور هى المستفيد الثانى من مخالفات استخدام المحمول أثناء القيادة. <br /><br /> ما الفرق بين الزوجة المصرية والزوجة اللبنانية؟ <br /><br />- 40 كيلو جرام. </b></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-83642606209855331372011-12-28T17:21:00.003+01:002011-12-28T17:21:46.841+01:00إشي إشي/ وهي بالقميص الشفتشي<div style="text-align: justify;">
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بقلم: ياسـر قطامش <br /><br />حدثتنا العفريتة إشي إشي/ وهي بالقميص الشفتشي <br />قالت: ذهبت للاطمئنان/ علي عمو مبارك وطنط سوزان <br />ودخلت المستشفي/ وأنا أتخفّي <br />فسمعتهما يتهامسان/ قالت سوزان/ <br />كده يا زين الرجال/ يا أبوعلاء وجمال <br />فضلت تغني عليّه/ وتقول لي أنا رئيس الجمهورية/ وأنا بتاع الضربة الجوية <br />لحد ما انضربنا واتوحلنا/ واتفضحنا واتبهدلنا/ <br />فقال: اسكتي يا سوزان/ أنا صايم وتعبان/ ومش ناقصك إنتي كمان/ <br />فقالت: ياما كان في نفسي/ أشوف جمال علي الكرسي/ <br />واللي حازز في قلبي يا (روكه)/ إن بتوع الثورة خدونا في دوكة/ <br />وخلّوني ما اتهناش/ بلوحة الخشخاش/ <br />دي أكيد عين وصابتنا/ وقلبت حياتنا/ <br />أنا عارفة إنها عين المقروصة زوبة/ زوجة حسين سالم الأروبة/ من يوم ما زارتنا في قصر العروبة/ <br />وشافت طقم الصالون المعتبر/ اللي لهفناه من لويس السادس عشر/ <br />وبصت لي بعينها اللي تندب فيها رصاصة/ وقال إيه؟ عزمت عليا بشيكولاتة ومصاصة/ <br />وضحكت ولعلعت/ وبعدها الثورة ولعت/ <br />فنظر لها مبارك وتنحنح/ وجاله صداع وترنّح/ <br />وقال: كفاية يا هانم/ والله يابخته حسين سالم/ <br />ابتسمت له الدنيا/ وهرب لإسبانيا/ <br />الدور والباقي علينا/ ياتري هايعملوا إيه فينا ؟/ <br />قالت: ما قلت لك وحياة أبوك/ يللا نهرب علي تبوك/ <br />فقلت دي زوبعة في فنجان/ وبكره المولد ينفض من الميدان/ <br />ويرجعوا يهتفوا لي زي زمان/ اخترناك اخترناك/ يللا يا ريس و احنا وراك/ <br />ونسيت أنك كنت بتضايق الشعب وتخوفه/ وتعمل الحاجه اللي تقرفه/ وحتي ريشه كنت بتنتفه/ <br />ما أنت لو كنت رئيس ناصح/ ما كنش حصل اللي حصل يا فالح/ <br />فقال: يعني أنا اللي غلطان/ يا ست سوزان/ <br />مش انتي اللي أقنعتيني بالتوريث/ بأسلوبك الخبيث/ <br />وابنك جمال افتكر نفسه عنده مهارات/ وساق الهبل في لجنة السياسات/ <br />واتلم علي عز/ اللي فضل في ودنه يوزّ/ <br />ونفضّوا للشعب وحلقوا له/ وخوفوّه وبرّقوا له/ <br />واتقاسموا مع اللي نهب واللي سرق/ لحد ما الطبيخ اتحرق/ <br />وحصل اللي حصل/ واحنا نايمين في العسل/..........................ادخل على الباقي<a name='more'></a> <br />قالت: ما كله منك يا بركة/ لو كنت عملت كام حركة/ <br />وشلت شريف والعادلي وسرور/ ماكنش جه علينا الدور/ <br />لكن قعدت تقول لي (حللو يا حللو)/ خليهم يتسلوا/ <br />وفضلت تلعب اسكواش/ وتيجي في الهايفة و تقول لي بلاش/ <br />لحد ما عقلي باظ/ وكان نفسي في الكوليه الألماظ/ <br />بتاع الأميرة سميحة/ وهزأتني عليه وعملت فضيحة/ <br />وقعدت تصبغ شعرك/ أهو ربنا طول عمرك/ <br />لغاية ما اتخلعت ونخيت/ قال: أنا لم أخلع بل اتنحيت/ <br />وكفاية نأورة يا غالية/ انتي نسيتي لهطة المهلبية/ بتاعت مكتبة الاسكندرية/ <br />والنهب السريع/ في مهرجان القراءة للجميع/ <br />ومشروعك الخيبان/ المجلس القومي للنسوان/ <br />قصدي للمرأة اللي عملتيه/ وقرفت الناس بيه/ <br />والوزراء اللي كانوا بيبوسوا إيديكي/ ويقولوا (الله عليكي)/ <br />قالت: طيب عجبك اللي كلوا خيرك/ وماحدش جابهم في المناصب غيرك/ <br />دلوقتي بيطالبوا بمحاكمتك/ أنت و أسرتك/ <br />فجأة وبدون مقدمة/ صاح الحاجب (محكمة)/ <br />فقال مبارك: خضتني جتك العمي/ <br />أنا برئ وحياة ستي بتاعت سد الحنك/ اللي قالت لي يا فرعون ايه اللي فرعنك/ <br /><br /><br /></div>
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-72686208857337807532011-12-27T19:09:00.002+01:002011-12-27T19:09:52.093+01:00Clever marketingThanks to my good friend Mona<br /><br /> U might hv gotten this 1 b4<br />Subject: Clever marketing<br />To: <br /> <br />Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. <br /> One has a Cross in front of him, the other one the Star of David. <br /> <br />Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross. <br /> <br />A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the Cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David. <br /> <br /> Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? <br /> <br />This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism ... People aren't going to give money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a Cross. <br /> <br />In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite." <br /> <br />The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the Cross and said: 'Moishe, <br /> <br />look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!" <br /> <br /> <br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-41787698168443763382011-12-27T06:03:00.000+01:002011-12-27T06:03:11.936+01:00Five surgeons<br /><br /> Five surgeons in some big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. <br /><br />The first surgeon, from New York , says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.' <br /><br />The second, from Chicago , responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians!<br /> Everything inside them is color coded.' <br /><br />The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.' <br /><br />The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.' <br /><br /><br />But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains ,and no spine.. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeableUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-49845207980032100522011-12-23T08:38:00.002+01:002011-12-23T08:38:44.109+01:00نصف حياة (من أجمل ما كتب جبران )<h1 align="right">
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<b>لا تصادق أنصاف الأصدقاء</b></div>
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<b>لا تقرأ لأنصاف الموهوبين، لا تعش نصف حياة، ولا تمت نصف موت،</b></div>
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<b>لا تختر نصف حل، ولا تقف في منتصف الحقيقة، لا تحلم نصف حلم، ولا تتعلق بنصف</b></div>
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<b>أمل، إذا صمتّ.. فاصمت حتى النهاية،</b></div>
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<b>وإذا تكلمت.. فتكلّم حتى النهاية، لا تصمت كي تتكلم، ولا تتكلم كي تصمت.</b></div>
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<b>إذا رضيت فعبّر عن رضاك، لا تصطنع نصف رضا، وإذا رفضت.. فعبّر عن رفضك،</b></div>
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<b>لأن نصف الرفض قبول.. النصف هو حياة لم تعشها، وهو كلمة لم تقلها،</b></div>
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<b>وهو ابتسامة أجّلتها، وهو حب لم تصل إليه، وهو صداقة لم تعرفها.. النصف هو ما</b></div>
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<b>يجعلك غريباً عن أقرب الناس إليك، وهو ما يجعل أقرب الناس إليك غرباء عنك،</b></div>
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<b>النصف هو أن تصل وأن لاتصل، أن تعمل وأن لا تعمل،</b></div>
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<b>أن تغيب وأن تحضر.. النصف هو أنت، عندما لا تكون أنت.. لأنك لم تعرف من أنت.</b></div>
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<b>النصف هو أن لا تعرف من أنت .. ومن تحب ليس نصفك الآخر… هو أنت في مكان</b></div>
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<b>آخر في الوقت نفسه!!..</b></div>
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<b>نصف شربة لن تروي ظمأك، ونصف وجبة لن تشبع جوعك،</b></div>
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<b>نصف طريق لن يوصلك إلى أي مكان، ونصف فكرة لن تعطي لك نتيجة..</b></div>
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<b>النصف هو لحظة عجزك وأنت لست بعاجز.. لأنك لست نصف إنسان. أنت إنسان..</b></div>
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<b>وجدت كي تعيش الحياة، وليس كي تعيش نصف حياة!!</b></div>
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<b>ليست حقيقة الإنسان بما يظهره لك … بل بما لا يستطيع أن يظهره</b></div>
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<b>لذلك … إذا أردت أن تعرفه فلا تصغي إلى ما يقوله …. بل إلى ما لا يقوله .</b></div>
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<b>” جبران خليل جبران “</b></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-3293184628827784422011-12-21T03:50:00.003+01:002011-12-21T03:51:35.441+01:00Law of the Garbage Truck<div dir="ltr">
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<b><u><span style="color: #993300; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: x-large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #993300; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 24pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></u></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"></span></span><span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white;">One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport</span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">of a parking space right in front of us.</span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded,
</span></span>
<span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">and missed the other car by just inches!
</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.</span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.</span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"></span></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span><span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">So I asked, 'Why did you just do that?
</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'</span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call,
</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;"></span></span><b><span style="color: #c00000; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #c00000; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt; font-weight: bold;">'The
Law of the Garbage Truck.'</span></span></b><span style="color: #120367; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #120367; font-size: 18pt;"><br />
<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">He explained that many people are like garbage trucks.
</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">They run around
</span></span><span style="color: navy; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: navy; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger,
</span></span><br />
<span style="color: navy; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: navy; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">and full of disappointment.</span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">As their garbage piles up,
</span></span>
<span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">they need a place to dump it and sometimes</span></span><span style="color: navy; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: navy; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;"> </span></span><span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">they'll
dump it on you. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">Don't take it personally.<br />
<br />
Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work,
</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">at home, or on the streets.</span></span><span style="color: #120367; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #120367; font-size: 18pt;"><br />
<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">The bottom line is that successful people
</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">Do not let garbage trucks take over their day.<br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;"></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #120367; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #120367; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt;">Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,</span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span></span><b><span style="color: purple; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: purple; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt; font-weight: bold;"></span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: purple; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: purple; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt; font-weight: bold;">So ... Love the people who treat you right.</span></span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span></span><b><i><span style="color: navy; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: navy; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Pray for the ones who don't</span></span></i></b><b><span style="color: navy; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: navy; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt; font-weight: bold;">.</span></span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
<br />
</span></span><b><i><span style="color: #4181ff; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #4181ff; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Life</span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: navy; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: navy; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">
is ten percent what you </span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #ff8100; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #ff8100; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">make it</span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: navy; font-size: large;"><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"> </span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: navy; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: navy; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">and
ninety percent how you </span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #ff8100; font-family: Kristen ITC; font-size: large;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: #ff8100; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 18pt; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">take it!</span></span></i></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
<br />
</span></span><b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Kristen ITC;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: blue; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 36pt; font-weight: bold;">Have a</span></span></b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: blue; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Kristen ITC;"><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; color: blue; font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 36pt; font-weight: bold;">garbage-free
day!</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-50818565451270319552011-12-18T10:24:00.000+01:002011-12-18T10:29:02.166+01:00WHY AM I MARRIED?<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><tbody>
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<div>
<b><span style="color: red; font-size: 36pt;"></span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;">You have
two choices in life.</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;">You can
stay single and be miserable,</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;">or get
married and wish you were dead.</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: teal; font-size: 18pt;">__________</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></div>
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</div>
<div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: teal; font-size: 18pt;">At a
cocktail party, one woman said to another
-</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: teal; font-size: 18pt;">'Aren't you
wearing your wedding ring on the wrong
finger?'</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: teal; font-size: 18pt;">'Yes, I am.
I married the wrong man.'</span></b><span style="color: green; font-size: 18pt;"> </span><br />
<span style="color: green; font-size: 18pt;"> </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><b><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">__________</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;">A lady
inserted an ad in the
classifieds.</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;">'Husband Wanted'.</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;">Next day
she received a hundred letters.</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;">They all
said the same thing.</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;">'You can
have mine.'</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;">__________</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><b><span style="color: green; font-size: 18pt;">When a
woman steals your husband,</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: green; font-size: 18pt;">there is
no better revenge than to let her keep
him.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;"> __________</span></div>
</div>
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<div>
<b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt;">A woman is
incomplete until she is married. Then she is
finished</span></b><b><span style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt;">.</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt;">__________</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><b><span style="color: olive; font-size: 18pt;">A little
boy asked his father,</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: olive; font-size: 18pt;">'Daddy,
how much does it cost to get
married?'</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: olive; font-size: 18pt;">Father
replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still
paying.'</span></b><span style="color: olive; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: olive; font-size: 18pt;">__________</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: green; font-size: 18pt;">A young
son asked,</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><span style="color: green; font-size: 18pt;">'Is it
true Dad, that in some parts
of Africa</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><span style="color: green; font-size: 18pt;">a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries
her?'</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><span style="color: green; font-size: 18pt;">Dad
replied, 'That happens in every country,
son.'</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"> </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><span style="color: green; font-size: 18pt;">__________</span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;">Then
there was a woman who said,</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;">'I never
knew what real happiness was until I got
married,</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;">and by
then it was too late.'</span></b><span style="color: green; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;">__________</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"> </span><br />
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<a name='more'></a></div>
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<b><span style="color: green; font-size: 18pt;">Marriage
is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: green; font-size: 18pt;">__________</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /><br />
</span><b><span style="color: maroon; font-size: 18pt;">If you
want your spouse to listen and</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: maroon; font-size: 18pt;">pay
strict attention to every word you say -- talk
in your sleep.</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"> </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: blue; font-size: 10pt;">__________</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: blue; font-size: 18pt;"> </span><span style="color: maroon; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: green; font-size: 18pt;">Just
think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
through life thinking they had no faults at
all.</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: green; font-size: 18pt;">__________</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: magenta; font-size: 18pt;">First
guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><b><span style="color: magenta; font-size: 18pt;">Second
guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still
alive.'</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><b><span style="color: magenta; font-size: 18pt;">__________</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"> </span></div>
</div>
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<b><span style="color: blue; font-size: 18pt;">'A Woman's
Prayer.</span></b></div>
</div>
<div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: blue; font-size: 18pt;">Dear Lord,
I pray for :-</span></b></div>
</div>
<div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: blue; font-size: 18pt;">Wisdom
- to understand a man, to love and to
forgive him.</span></b></div>
</div>
<div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: blue; font-size: 18pt;">Patience
- for his
moods.</span></b></div>
</div>
<div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: blue; font-size: 18pt;">Because
Lord, if I pray for strength then I'll just beat
him to death'</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></div>
</div>
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<hr align="center" size="2" width="100%" />
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Husband
says: </span></b><b><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 10pt;">
</span></b><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">When
I get mad at you, you never fight
back.</span></b><b><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 10pt;">
</span></b><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">How
do you control your anger?</span></b><b><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span></b><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><br /><br />Wife says:
</span></b><b><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 10pt;">
</span></b><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">I
clean the toilet.<br /><br />Husband says:
</span></b><b><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 10pt;">
</span></b><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">How
does that help?<br /><br />Wife says:
</span></b><b> </b><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">I use
your</span></b><b><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 10pt;">
</span></b><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">toothbrush</span></b></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-54231855643157570862011-11-27T08:21:00.001+01:002011-11-27T08:22:56.826+01:00البلد دلوقتى<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><br />
<div>
<div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><div>
<div>
<div>
<div>
<div align="center" style="background: white; text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: black; font-size: 30pt;">البلد دلوقتى عاملة زى </span></i></b><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
<div align="center" style="background: white; text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: black; font-size: 30pt;"> واحد أخرس</span></i></b><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
<div align="center" style="background: white; text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: black; font-size: 30pt;"> بيقول لواحد أطرش</span></i></b><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
<div align="center" style="background: white; text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: black; font-size: 30pt;"> ان فى واحد اعمى</span></i></b><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
<div align="center" style="background: white; text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: black; font-size: 30pt;"> شاف واحد مشلول</span></i></b><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
<div align="center" style="background: white; text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: black; font-size: 30pt;"> بيجرى خلف واحد اقرع </span></i></b><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
<div align="center" style="background: white; text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: black; font-size: 30pt;">علشان يشد شعره</span></i></b><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</span></div>
</div>
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-25689198309350984312011-11-21T09:31:00.001+01:002011-11-21T09:38:46.537+01:00QUESTIONS YOU JUST CAN'T ANSWER<div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="3" style="width: 100%;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in; width: 100%;" width="100%"><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="3" style="width: 100%;"><tbody>
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</tbody></table>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="3" style="width: 100%;"><tbody>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="color: #0080ff; font-size: 13.5pt;">Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?</span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
<b><span style="color: maroon;"><br />
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? </span><span style="color: #0000a0;"><br />
<br />
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?</span><span style="color: teal;"><br />
<br />
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?</span><span style="color: #ff8000;"><br />
<br />
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?</span> <span style="color: red;"><br />
<br />
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?</span><span style="color: #000040;"><br />
<br />
What is the speed of darkness? </span><span style="color: maroon;"><br />
<br />
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?</span><span style="color: purple;"> </span><span style="color: maroon;"><br />
</span><span style="color: magenta;"><br />
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? </span><br />
<br />
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? <i>(Valid point!)</i><span style="color: #808040;"><br />
<br />
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? </span><span style="color: #ff0080;"><br />
<br />
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?</span></b> <b><br />
<br />
<br />
Did you ever stop and wonder......<span style="color: blue;"> <br />
<br />
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'</span> <br />
<br />
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'<span style="color: magenta;"> <br />
<br />
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast
to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?</span><span style="color: green;"> <br />
<br />
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? </span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><b><span style="color: green;">........Read on...... </span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><b><span style="color: green;"><a name='more'></a></span><span style="color: red;"><br />
<br />
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?</span><span style="color: navy;"> <br />
<br />
Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?</span><span style="color: purple;"> <br />
<br />
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!</span><span style="color: magenta;"><br />
<br />
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?</span></b> <b><span style="color: teal;"><br />
<br />
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?</span></b><span style="color: teal;"> </span><b><span style="color: maroon;"><br />
<br />
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?</span></b> <b><span style="color: green;"><br />
<br />
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? </span><span style="color: red;"><br />
<br />
Stop singing and read on......</span></b> <b><span style="color: teal;"><br />
<br />
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?</span></b> <b><span style="color: navy;"><br />
<br />
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,</span></b></span> <b><span style="color: navy; font-size: 13.5pt;">but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? </span></b><b><span style="color: olive; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
<br />
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?</span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> <b><span style="color: blue;"><br />
<br />
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?</span></b> </span></div>
</div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-56111940898778155372011-11-15T07:20:00.001+01:002011-11-15T07:27:36.500+01:00With age, comes wisdom ! ! !<b><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: bold;">The guys were on a bike tour.</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"></span></span>
<br />
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">No
one wanted to room with Mick, because he snored so badly. They decided
it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so
they voted to take turns. <br />
<br />The first guy who slept with Mick, comes to breakfast the next morning, with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.<br /><br />They said, "Man, what happened to you ?"</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"></span></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">He said, "Mick snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night." <br />
</span></span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;"><br /><b><span style="font-weight: bold;">The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.</span></b></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"></span></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful !"</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"></span></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">He said, 'Man, that Mick shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night." <br />
</span></span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;"><br /><b><span style="font-weight: bold;">The third night was Bill's turn to sleep with Mick. He was a tanned, older biker, a real man's man.</span></b></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"></span></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning !" he said.</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"></span></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"></span></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">He
said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Mick into bed,
patted him on the arse, and kissed him good night on the lips. Mick sat
up and watched me all night."</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"></span></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<b><span style="color: red; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: red; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold;">With age, comes wisdom</span></span></b><b><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: bold;"> </span></span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: red; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: bold;">! ! !</span></span></b><span><b><span style="color: #1f497d; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: bold;"> </span></span></b></span><b><span style="color: black; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-60161203846109636032011-09-30T19:59:00.000+02:002011-09-30T20:14:12.337+02:00Poor president<span style="color: black; font-size: x-small;"><span style="border-collapse: separate; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"></span></span></span></span><br />
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 12pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ma'am, could you</span><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
please cash this check for me"?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure, sir. Could you please show me</span><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
your ID."?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't</span><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
think there was any need to. I am President Barrack H. Obama, president</span><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
of the</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">United States of America."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
Cashier: "Yes, sir, I know who you are, but with all the</span><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
regulations and monitoring of the banks because of imposters and</span><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
forgers, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
Obama: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will</span><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
tell you. Everybody knows who I am."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
Cashier: "I am sorry, but these are the bank rules and I must</span><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
follow them."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
Obama: "I am urging you to please cash this check."</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
Cashier: "Look, sir, here's what we can do: one day Tiger Woods</span><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out</span><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis</span><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
racquet and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
With that spectacular shot we cashed his check. So, what can you do to</span><br /><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
prove that you are really the President of the</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">United States?"</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt;">
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">Obama stood there thinking, and thinking, and finally says:<br />
"Honestly, there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a<br />
single thing"<br /><br />
Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?"</span></span></div>
<a name='more'></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540618585007031797.post-42529965792483464042011-06-22T16:28:00.000+02:002011-06-22T16:28:19.108+02:00EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<div style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div style="background: white;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: maroon; font-size: 18pt;">EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt;">1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt;">I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt;">Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;">Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco</span></span></div><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<div><div><div><div><div style="background: white;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/enjoythemasti" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" title="http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/enjoythemasti"><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"></span></a></span></div><div style="background: white;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><u><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><a href="http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/enjoythemasti" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" title="http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/enjoythemasti"><span style="color: black;"><br />
</span><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; text-decoration: none;"></span></a></span></u></span></div><div style="background: white;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">2. At the beginning of my shift</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 18pt;">I placed a stethoscope on an elderly</span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 18pt;">and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.</span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: red;"> </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed. </span></span></span></div><div style="background: white;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient. </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.</span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: red;"> </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had <br />
died of a 'massive internal fart.'</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: #3333ff;">Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg</span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.</span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 18pt;">' Which one ?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch...The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!'</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 18pt;">I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hopedI wouldn't see...</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;">Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,<br />
I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'</span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 18pt;">After a look of complete confusion she answered . . ..</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: red;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: #3333ff;">Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson - Corvallis, OR</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;">6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?'</span> </span></span></div><div style="background: white;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">' It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. .. . Bob replied.</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: red;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="color: red;">I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled <span style="background-color: #ffff66;">'KY Jelly.'</span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="color: #3333ff;">Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI</span></span></span></div></div><div style="background: white;"></div><div style="background: white;"></div><div style="background: white;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled <br />
into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .</span></span></span></div><div style="background: white;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">' Keep off the grass.'</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: red;"> </span></span><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . .. had to mow the lawn.'</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;">Submitted by RN no name<br />
<br />
AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .</span></span></div><div style="background: white;"></div><div style="background: white; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="color: red;">8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.</span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 18pt;">I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.</span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">T<var></var>he middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: red;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 18pt;"></span></span></div><div style="background: white; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . .<br />
' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' </span></span></span></div><div style="background: white; text-align: left;"></div><div style="background: white; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: red;"> </span></span><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">' No doctor, but the song you were whistling was . . .</span></span></span></div><div style="background: white; text-align: left;"></div><div style="background: white; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener. '</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt;">Dr. wouldn't submit his name.... </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: #bf00bf; font-size: 22pt;">ONE MORE --</span><span style="color: #bf00bf; font-size: 24pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="background-color: #ffcc00; color: red;">Baby's First Doctor Visit </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile!</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.<br />
'Breast-fed,' she replied..</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. </span></span></span></div><div style="background: white; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. </span></span></span></div><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/enjoythemasti" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" title="http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/enjoythemasti"> </a></span><br />
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<div style="background: white; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 18pt;"><span style="color: red;">Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: red;"><span style="background-color: #ffff33;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 18pt;">But I'm glad I came.' </span></span></span></div></span></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><span style="color: red; font-family: Georgia; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;"> </span></span><br />
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